Umour Ritual Forum

Superjock

2011-12-28T10:16:00.001-05:00

Once again, UMOUR predicts the future

2011-12-08T21:19:00.001-05:00

Back in 2007, the memorial day post was supposed to be darkly humorous, describing as it did a military ceremony wherein the bodies of countless dead soldiers were pushed into a landfill by bulldozers.

Little did we know, however, that it was actually happening. So once again, the strange cosmic energies tuned in and channeled by UMOUR have bitten off more of reality than any one man should have to swallow.

Interview with Lee Scratch Perry

2011-11-19T09:23:00.001-05:00

VISIONS OF VISIONARIES WITH LEE "SCRATCH" PERRY from MADE Blog on Vimeo.

Hey, I understood him perfectly.
For the most part.

Constipation Blues

2011-08-22T18:14:00.001-05:00

Sent, of course, by the father of Em.

An Umour Laboratory

2011-08-13T15:48:00.001-05:00

SPEAK NO EVIL

2011-08-02T00:09:00.001-05:00

On the Ocean Floor near Sweden

2011-07-29T21:47:00.001-05:00

Bop Gun

2011-07-15T11:11:00.000-05:00

Memorial Day, 2026

2011-05-29T21:34:00.001-05:00

Plain and simply, we'd run out of space for the brave fallen. Fighting for freedom, America had filled all its cemeteries and then filled all the available space in the bad lands of Montana, the deserts of Arizona and New Mexico, and any other vast tracts of land that were affordable. The countless hundreds of millions of solider's graves filled those vast plains as an enormous testament to freedom, and the lengths to which we were willing to go.

So what was left? There were still plenty of countries that had benefited from US intervention that had plenty of empty space to bury the additional war dead. And when they weren't willing to share the burden we raised the banner of freedom once more and attacked: in Algeria, in Libya and in Morocco. As these oppressive nations fell, we had room for more, so we buried the brave fallen in vast tracts stretching to the edge of the Sahara.

But still, as our young soldiers sacrificed their lives to fight for our freedoms, we needed yet more room to give honor to the fallen by burying them properly. So we attacked again: We attacked Russia. We Attacked Australia. We attacked Tajikistan, Uzbekistan and several other 'Stans as well, to make room for the fallen defenders of freedom. The tombstones stretched from horizon to horizon.

China, of course, was unwilling to relinquish land for our fallen. Neither was France or Spain or Italy. The UK, arguably, had their own soldiers to worry about. So we sent in Patriot Machines. Patriot Machines bypassed the entire lengthy process of capturing and reeducating enemy soldiers and converting them to the cause of freedom. Patriot machines looked to some kind of like vast, mile-long steamrollers, and we sent them into France and Germany, mowing down enemy soldiers and, as their bodies rounded the roller, they were placed into simple unfolding caskets and placed into the ground behind the steamroller. A secondary roller placed a tombstone commemorating the newly harvested-and-then-fallen soldier for freedom. Where the Patriot Machines went in, vast tracts of earth were converted behind them into cemeteries of the fallen fighters for freedom.

So now, what was left?

What was left was the moon. What was left was Mars. What was left was Venus.

But the problem was, first of all, the cost. And second of all, we didn't have enough dead to justify the cost.

But that issue was solved fairly quickly.

The Clock 24 Hour Screening

2011-05-15T23:11:00.000-05:00

Christian Marclay's The Clock, is a 24-hour single-channel montage constructed from thousands of moments of cinema and television history depicting the passage of time. Marclay has excerpted each of these moments from their original contexts and edited them together to create a functioning timepiece synchronized to local time wherever it is viewed—marking the exact time in real time for the viewer for 24 consecutive hours. The sampled clips come from films of all genres, time periods, and cultures, some lasting only seconds, others minutes, and have been culled from hundreds of films, famous and obscure, into a seamless whole. The result, a melding of video and reality, unfolds with a seemingly endless cast of cameos. This free screening will allow The Clock to be seen in the way Marclay intended, by making it available in its entirety.

I Promote Oblivion

2011-04-18T11:11:00.000-05:00

Umourian demise of the record store

2011-04-11T11:11:00.000-05:00

Many will recognize the Umourian attributes of this image of a burned out and long abandoned record store, but it is merely a refection of the whole slow and steady demise of the record business as a whole. In today's world of digital downloads there is no longer any intrinsic value to those flat plastic discs, be they vinyl or CD. Music can be digitally duplicated en mas by anyone with a computer. Sadly this sorry fact has seemed to leach into the public's perception of the actual data therein, and it seems that by and large the general public has also lost site of the value of THE ART of a record, and in a broader sense, the value of art in general. In highly Umourian fashion, this website documents 40 closed record stores across the nation. Click the title of this post to visit the site.

Matt Helm

2011-04-07T17:37:00.000-05:00

Just a little taste of some of the Exciting UMOUR action rapidly coming your way, hepcats.

Super Secret Super Spies (from Outer Space) Film Shoot

2011-04-04T18:42:00.003-05:00

Post your ideas for our movie in the comment below.

NewsTweek

2011-03-27T10:24:00.004-05:00

Click the title above. Imagine a device that can intercept http requests in a public location and then manipulate (for instance) news headlines on the fly. Well, such a device actually exists. Just think of the possibilities...(Read about it here and read some of the pseudo-headlines...)

RESCUED FROM AN EAGLES NEST 1908

2011-03-17T11:11:00.000-05:00

Germaine Greer in ‘Darling, Do You Love Me?’

2011-03-14T11:11:00.000-05:00

Jane Birkin

2011-03-04T11:11:00.001-05:00

Aka Melody Nelson on the album Ballade De Melody Nelson by Serge Gainsbourg (1971)

Flushing the Gowanus

2011-02-23T18:25:00.000-05:00

Chalk up yet another one for a UMOUR ritual.
Actually, this is pretty interesting. Somewhere in the UMOUR archives there's a photo of the Umourians directly above the flush tunnel, though we didn't know it at the time. (Click the link above.)

Tobacco - Super Gum - NSFW

2011-01-25T14:26:00.000-05:00

Crooked Rot

2010-12-26T20:53:00.001-05:00

Bombing them into the truth

2010-11-29T14:04:00.000-05:00

When the Al Qaeda agents had been tracked to remote villages in the hill country of Yemen, they were tracked down and the villages bombed.

As most of the inhabitants of those villages had been unaware of the presence of AQ operatives, they protested the indiscriminate bombings.

So they were bombed.

When local provincial officials launched formal protests with the UN and contacted Amnesty International, they were bombed.

When the heads of state of Yemen officially protested to the US government about their out-of-control bombing, they were bombed.

Human rights as well as grass roots organizations in many countries turned out in large numbers for street protests.

And they were bombed.

As the fathers, mothers, siblings and brothers and sisters (literal and figurative) of the protestors themselves came out to protest the bombings of the peaceful protestors, they also were bombed.

When relatives of the bombed protestors that were themselves employees of the US military or relevant government agencies launched a formal protest to investigate the bombs, they themselves were bombed.

College classes discussing the protests and resultant bombings were also in many cases targeted and bombed.

Various funeral proceedings for the victims of the bombings were also bombed.

In one case, after a mass burial for funeral-attending bomb victims was itself bombed, only a single 6 year old child was left alive. The six year old sat in the mud, not comprehending the vast carnage around her and why no one was helping her or holding her.

She started crying.

And she was bombed.

Happy November 11th

2010-11-11T11:11:00.006-05:00

11/11 11:11

6 Flags New Orleans

2010-11-04T15:01:00.000-05:00

What's Wrong?

2010-10-31T20:32:00.006-05:00

uploaded from my iPhone using the FREE BlogSpace application

Connecticut's Ghost Parking Lot

2010-10-18T10:58:00.002-05:00

"In 1978, an artist half-buried and covered two dozen junker cars from the 60s and 70s with pavement in a suburban Connecticut mall parking lot.

There the ghost cars sat for 25 years..."

"Some might say that this inevitable decay was part of the point and that this car mausoleum just got better with time."

Dancing Dryer Hose

2010-10-17T15:16:00.006-05:00

it's an umour.org film,

what else?

shot on iPhone using iCamcorder lite

Evil Boy

2010-10-07T20:49:00.000-05:00

More Sphinct-O-Print™ Please

2010-09-28T14:52:00.002-05:00

U.S. Army Reveals Afghan Biometric ID Plan;
Millions Scanned, Carded by May 2010

"...when Karzai saw a picture of one of the biometric checkpoints in Newsweek, U.S. military officials tell Danger Room. Karzai declared the scanning to be an infringement of Afghan sovereignty, and put the kibosh on the whole thing.

End of the World beer

2010-07-23T06:28:00.002-05:00

Don't be alarmed, it's Scottish.

Gun Rights for the Unborn

2010-07-15T17:53:00.000-05:00

Seems clear that in this liberal-dominated nation, the murder of the unborn will continue for quite a while.

One right, however, that the liberals haven't yet been able to take away from us is the constitutionally-protected right to bare arms. The constitution gives us this liberty and does not constrain it to race, sex, or age.

The obvious response, therefore, to the problem of fetal murder is to arm said fetuses and give them a fighting chance. With our current technologies it has now become possible to arm babies in vitro, and then (should the fetus murderers attempt to extract them), give them the chance to fight back and, if possible, kill their would-be murderer.

That this is an extention of the constitutional rights the founding fathers would have approved of is obvious: EVERYONE should have the right to defend themselves and kill their attackers. The only problem is how to equip fetuses that do not yet have arms or even brains due to the early stages of formation.

UMOUR will keep you posted about progress in this dynamic new freedom front; We will attempt to join forces with members of the Tea Party and see whether they are lovers of freedom after all and will be willing to throw their full support behind gun rights for the unborn.

iPhone4 vs HTC Evo

2010-07-08T15:54:00.001-05:00

Brilliant.

Superchick

2010-07-05T11:11:00.000-05:00

"She's Much More Than You've Ever Had Before!"

Stockhausen's Helicopter Quartet

2010-06-22T06:26:00.002-05:00

Perversion For Profit

2010-06-21T11:18:00.000-05:00

Stockhausen: "Mikrophonie I"

2010-06-21T11:11:00.000-05:00

Music To Freak Your Friends And Break Your Lease

2010-06-14T13:11:00.000-05:00

Charles Fort - A Patron Saint of Umour

2010-06-14T11:11:00.001-05:00

There is a man, largely undiscovered by the modern world, whom I, and many others, believe made one of the most significant contributions to the world of science. Had it not been that he vehemently opposed modern scientists and their methods, his work might be enjoying a greater popularity than it does. Had this man decided to write about completely different topics, he would be hailed as a fabulous literary character. Here was a peculiar fellow. Charles Fort devoted 26 years of his life to compiling documented reports of scientific anomalies from journals and newspapers from all around the world. He lived in dire poverty so that truth could prevail. His life’s work may one day be of great scientific worth, should the established scientific community ever muster the courage to approach it.

Anomalies. This is what Fort trafficked in. Reports of prehistoric beasts frolicking in the world’s oceans. (Loch Ness, Champ, Storsjon Animal). Ancient artifacts found in improbable places (Roman coins in the deserts of Arizona, Chinese seals found buried deep in the forests of Ireland, small statues of horses discovered in pre-Columbian Venezuela). Falls of things other than rain from the sky (red rains in 1571 England, 1744 Genoa; a rain of “73 organic formations, particular to South America” in France in 1846). Unidentified aerial phenomena (excluding Ezekiel’s Biblical description. Fort’s list contains the first known report of a so-called “UFO”, dating from 1779). These are but a few of the subjects Fort spent his lifetime collecting reports of. This anomalous data are roped together under the banner of “Forteana”, a term which probably does not exist in any dictionary, because that which it pertains to isn’t supposed to exist at all.

He who championed underdogs, has been and will likely continue to be, one of the greatest underdogs of all time. For he has not a baseball team or brooding thespians to compete with, but the entire history of the scientific world. His work spat in the face of conventional scientists. There is much going on around us that defies explanation. Fort amassed reports of events seen by humans around the world countless times, which, none the less, have been dismissed. The data he collected were excommunicated by science, which acts like a religion. “The monks of science” he wrote, “dwell on smuggeries that are walled away from event-jungles- Science has done its utmost to prevent whatever science has done” (the Book of the Damned, p. 245). His legacy, his collection of data lies before us. It is indisputable, and yet still ignored. The reports he gathered could make any enemy of science acquire a renewed enthusiasm for the subject. In his four published works, the Book of the Damned (1919). New Lands (1923) Lo! (1931) and Wild Talents (1932) we find over 1,200 documented reports of occurrences which orthodox science refuses to attempt to explain. Explanation was not Fort’s purpose. He merely presented the data, sometimes with his own speculations, sometimes with tongue in cheek. While anomalies can be entertaining, they can also be deeply disturbing, for they undermine the foundations of science, the idea that every thing in this world is rational and under control. Articles like those collected in Fortean Times and the INFO Journal (International Fortean Organization), two publications which continue Fort’s work, prove that things are not under our control, nor will they ever be. Many people, including scientists, find this discomforting and so ignore that which they cannot explain.

-Skylaire Alfvegren
The League of Western Fortean Intermediatists

Psychedelic and spiritual work by Art Clokey (of Gumby fame)

2010-06-07T12:54:00.002-05:00

It's Magik, you know. Never believe it's not so.

2010-05-24T23:11:00.000-05:00

"...there are beings of intelligence and power of a far higher quality than anything we can conceive of as human; that they are not necessarily based on the cerebral and nervous structures that we know, and that the one and only chance for mankind to advance as a whole is for individuals to make contact with such Beings." Aleister Crowley

Star Spangled Banner

2010-05-24T13:15:00.000-05:00

That's the mugshot of the Jewish composer Igor Stravinsky, arrested after desecrating our precious national anthem with his bizarre and subversive arrangement of the National Anthem, which you are hearing now. If the Tea Party had been around back then you can be sure they wouldn't have let him play this in the first place!

Amorphophallus Titanum Blooms

2010-05-21T15:05:00.000-05:00

Low End Theory

2010-05-05T11:01:00.000-05:00

Robin William's Rant

2010-05-03T11:11:00.000-05:00

Robin Williams, wearing a shirt that says,
'I love New York ' in Arabic.

You gotta love Robin Williams....
Even if he's nuts!
Leave it to Robin Williams to come up with the perfect plan. What we need now is for our UN Ambassador to stand up and repeat this message.

Robin Williams' plan...
(Hard to argue with this logic!)

'I see a lot of people yelling for peace, but I have not heard of a plan for peace.
So, here's one plan.'

1) 'The US will apologize to the world for our 'interference' in their affairs, past & present. You know, Hitler, Mussolini, Stalin, Tojo, Noriega, Milosevic, Hussein, and the rest of those 'good 'ole' boys', we will never 'interfere' again.

2) We will withdraw our troops from all over the world, starting with Germany , South Korea , the Middle East, and the Philippines . They don't want us there.
We would station troops at our borders.
No one allowed sneaking through holes in the fence.

3) All illegal aliens have 90 days to get their affairs together and leave. We'll give them a free trip home. After 90 days, the remainder will be gathered up and deported immediately, regardless of whom or where they are. They're illegal!!!
France will welcome them.

4) All future visitors will be thoroughly checked and limited to 90 days, unless given a special permit!!!! No one from a terrorist nation will be allowed in.. If you don't like it there, change it yourself and don't hide here. Asylum would never be available to anyone. We don't need any more cab drivers or 7-11 cashiers.

5) No foreign 'students' over age 21. The older ones are the bombers. If they don't attend classes, they get a 'D' and it's back home baby.

6) The US will make a strong effort to become self-sufficient energy wise. This will include developing nonpolluting sources of energy but will require a temporary drilling of oil in the Alaskan wilderness.
The caribou will have to cope for a while

7) Offer Saudi Arabia and other oil producing countries $10 a barrel for their oil. If they don't like it, we go someplace else. They can go somewhere else to sell their production. (About a week of the wells filling up the storage sites would be enough.)

8) If there is a famine or other natural catastrophe in the world, we will not 'interfere.' They can pray to Allah or whomever, for seeds, rain, cement or whatever they need. Besides most of what we give them is stolen or given to the army. The people who need it most get very little, if anything.

9) Ship the UN Headquarters to an isolated island someplace. We don't need the spies and fair weather friends here. Besides, the building would make a good homeless shelter or lockup for illegal aliens.

10) All Americans must go to charm and beauty school.. That way, no one can call us 'Ugly Americans' any longer.
The Language we speak is ENGLISH... learn it... or LEAVE...
Now, isn't that a winner of a plan?

'The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying 'Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses.'
She's got a baseball bat and she's yelling, 'You want a piece of me?'

Rant.

2010-04-24T15:53:00.002-05:00

Fuck the tea party.
Fuck Sarah Palin.
Fuck the hillbillies with their fake values.
Fuck their stupidity.
Fuck their worldview.
Fuck their guns.

Fuck every fascist thing they stand for.
Fuck their tax-eating red states.
Fuck their false religion.
Fuck their houses.
Fuck their flag.
Fuck their self-imposed poverty.
Fuck their confusion.
Fuck their inability to cope.
Fuck their professions.
Fuck their jobs.
Fuck their fascism.
Fuck their racism.
Fuck their placebos.
Fuck their TV shows.
Fuck their values.
Fuck their houses.
Fuck their lifestyles.
Fuck their big white god

Just Say No: iWon't™

2010-04-17T15:21:00.003-05:00

Ever wanted to just say "No I won't"
but not found the button or app?

Now you can with our latest
app for iPhone, iPod and iPad

iWon't™

brought to you by
the makers of More Duh™

© 2010 umour.org

ASS 2: KICK ASS

2010-04-12T14:45:00.004-05:00

KICK ASS

Opens April 16!

I thought this might be brought to you by the makers of

Idiocracy (2006)

but no, I don't think so. Shut Up!

More Duh™

2010-03-31T11:11:00.007-05:00

More Duh™
for iPhone and iPod and Touch

When Do I Reach Nirvana Guru?

Duh...

brought to you by
the makers of other
fine products

© 2010 umour.org

VITATOES™

2010-03-30T13:13:00.007-05:00

VITATOES™

ALL THE STARCH

now with

TWICE THE VIAGRA!

possibly available now

© 2010 umour.org

A musical lounge treat

2010-03-08T13:47:00.000-05:00

Ladislas Starewicz

2010-02-10T11:40:00.001-05:00

NEW! Umour Music Blog!

2010-01-11T23:11:00.004-05:00

New Umour music blog! FREE downloads! GO THERE NOW!

http://www.umourphonium.blogspot.com

Homeless Theater, NYC 2009

2009-12-28T11:11:00.001-05:00

Depraved sado-masochist

2009-12-12T04:38:00.000-05:00

If you ever wanted to know whether you had sado-masochistic tendencies, then see if you can make it all the way through this:

This explains a lot...

2009-09-30T02:31:00.000-05:00

...about the US political situation.

Michael Jackson's Face

2009-09-29T07:25:00.000-05:00

Officials in LA County were shocked and horrified to have found that Michael Jackson's face has apparently been removed from his body, which was laying in the Jackson Family crypt in the Westwood Villiage Memorial Park Cemetary. "The face was very obviously removed by a skilled surgeon," said Jack Wembley, LA county Chief Cororner.

Officials believe it is highly likely that Michael Jackson's face has been surgically transplanted onto someone living. "Could be male or female, black or white, but if we are informed of someone who bears a striking resemblance to Michael Jackson we will investigate," said Wembley, at a press conference yesterday.

Officials were unwilling to speculate as to motive, but one official who wished to remain anonymous stated that it was "highly likely to be someone who wanted to enter the entertainment field."

TARP Bailout Application

2009-07-26T07:05:00.001-05:00

Yeah, it's real. Click the title above to see an annotated version of the 2-page TARP bailout application.

Karlheinz Stockhausen is not amused

2009-07-18T03:28:00.000-05:00

Great Moments in Technology

2009-07-05T03:11:00.001-05:00

Uh...

2009-06-11T04:16:00.001-05:00

State Of The Union (a sad state indeed!)

2009-06-01T10:18:00.000-05:00

Recently, Michelle Obama went to serve food to the homeless at a
government-funded soup kitchen.

Cost of a bowl of soup at homeless shelter: $0.00 dollars

Having Michelle Obama serve you your soup: $0.00 dollars

Snapping a picture of a homeless person who is receiving a government - funded meal while taking a picture of the first lady using his $500 Blackberry cell phone: Priceless

The Astounding World of the Future

2009-05-31T05:28:00.001-05:00

Click this...

2009-05-13T05:02:00.001-05:00

Go ahead, I dare you.

Is Loudmouth Bill the reincarnation of...

2009-05-11T00:54:00.001-05:00

...this guy: German-born John Heartfield, whose anti-fascist collages apparently drove Hitler batty.
(Heartfield was a pal of Berthold Brecht, apparently...)

Swine Flue Headlines

2009-05-07T15:37:00.003-05:00

WORLD HEALTH ORGANIZATION ANNOUNCES NEW POSSIBLE WORLDWIDE EPIDEMIC KNOWN AS "SWINE FLU".

COUNTRIES AROUND THE WORLD PREPARE FOR SWINE FLUE ONSLAUGHT.

PEOPLE THROUGHOUT WORLD AWAIT APPEARENCE OF SWINE FLU EPIDEMIC.

100 CASES OF SWINE FLU REPORTED IN MEXICO.

DOZENS OF CASES OF SWINE FLUE REPORTED THROUGHOUT THE WORLD.

MEDIA REPORT ON POTENTIAL SWINE FLU HYPER-EPIDEMIC.

PEOPLE VOICE SCEPTICISM OVER SWINE FLU VIRILITY.

GOVERNMENTS THROUGHOUT WORLD INSIST SWINE FLUE EPIDEMIC IS POTENTIALLY EXTREMELY DEADLY. ADVISE WAITING IN HOMES AND SHOP ON LINE.

SEEING NO ACTUAL CASES OF SWINE FLU, PEOPLE VENTURE INTO STREETS.

GOVERNMENTS THROUGHOUT WORLD ALONG WITH WORLDWIDE MEDIA OUTLETS INSIST SWINE FLUE IS TRULY DEADLY AND WILL POTENTIALLY SPREAD TO 2 BILLION PEOPLE WITHIN ONE WEEK UNLESS PEOPLE STAY IN HOMES.

PEOPLE IGNORE SWINE FLUE WARNINGS AND RETURN TO NORMAL LIVES.

3 GOVERNMENTS ISSUE CURFEWS AND INSTRUCT POLICE TO SHOOT-TO-KILL IF PEOPLE IGNORE SWINE FLU WARNINGS, IN ORDER TO PREVENT SPREAD OF DEADLY DISEASE.

PEOPLE FORGET ABOUT SWINE FLUE AND TUNE OUT MEDIA HYSTERIA.

Just clowing around...

2009-04-18T10:40:00.002-05:00

Sent to me by my father...

Michael Jackson's Astral Body haunts the Ali-Forman fight

2009-04-17T17:25:00.002-05:00

You can see the circa 2000 Michael Jackson briefly between 5:45 and 5:46 (this fight was in the early 1970s).

Report from London

2009-03-31T15:51:00.003-05:00

(From a morning stroll I took into Regent's park across the street this morning.)

I think Obama's over there in the American Ambassador's house. Right now choppers hoover in the night sky, and the bushes in the park across the street are being searched by the gray light beams of police flashlights.

About half an hour ago I saw a police van come to a sudden halt and half a dozen policemen pour out and grab some guy off in the trees.

Half an hour before that, three military choppers landed and then took off again in quick precession over on the main lawn in the park.

The Outer Circle Road over there is blocked off, with very substantial barricades having been put up over the last few days.

Thank God they're protecting the leader of the free world from the countless millions that would like to voice their displeasure at the actions of the government he now represents.

Don't you dare...

2009-03-23T09:38:00.002-05:00

...you know.

Here it is...

2009-03-15T05:34:00.002-05:00

The latest DMZ. This is the future, if we're lucky. Of course, most people completely comfortable in the present largely suburban US would be horrified at the thought of living in a ruined, Chaotic Manhattan that sits between two warring Nations (The United States to the west of the Hudson, and the Free States to the east and North of the East and Harlem Rivers). But this a visualization of what the old, vibrant Manhattan of the 60s and 70s was really trying to be: A place where law was a mere negotiation between parties, and not valid elsewhere. It's crazy and dangerous but diverse and nurturing those who are comfortable making the most of a decaying infrastructure around them.

This and the first two volumes are the best, but there's no reason not to dive in with this one. They're not particularly sequential, and the art in this volume is consistently good all the way through.

Melting down to prevent a meltdown

2009-03-11T16:46:00.002-05:00

Now that we're all hoping and praying that somehow God or Obama or the economic powers that bill will save our economy and, by extension, ourselves, maybe it's time to rethink this.

Outside the US, nobody debates global warming anymore. Like thousands of reputable scientists (including dozens of Nobel prize winners), most humans understand the cause: Humans. And we know that one thing that is absolutely, screamingly necessary is that we rapidly reduce our rate of carbon emissions, or face planetary peril.

Funny enough, this global economic meltdown may have done precisely that: Reduce our emissions by shrinking the world's economy.

Of course, the "plan" to save the world's economy involved returning to economic growth, but isn't that precisely what jeopardizes our environment?

And need I say that this "plan" assumes that, by growth, the richest people on the planet will be just so stuffed full of wealth that they will allow some of that to "trickle down" and, by accident, provide the bottom tiers of world society with just enough to live on? In other words, it's a "plan" that is sloppy and inefficient as hell, and is derived from all of the countless bullshit myths of Reagan/Thatcher-economics that is really just a giant pyramid scheme after all. Except the loser in this giant pyramid scheme, the one holding the bag, is the earth itself.

So maybe the obvious conclusion is that the sanest possible course is NOT to restart growing the economy. Maybe, what we need to do is learn how to better and more evenly distribute the wealth we currently have.

That may sound like socialism or some one world government nonsense, but that's not really the point. The point is that we need to embrace a UMOUR-centric approach to the world and allow the giant economic meltdown to occur, and then learn to live in the ashes and decaying remains, making do with what will be leftover, or face certain doom.

Let me reiterate that: Embrace UMOUR or face certain ruin!

Either that or learn to swim.

Angry Camels in a Car

2009-03-04T15:33:00.000-05:00

Pure, unadulterated amusement.

Everything's coming up UMOUR

2009-02-24T17:05:00.003-05:00

Seems the search for Hermes Trismagistus was a success after all. Here's one more UMOUR ritual that got results! (Apparently this was uncovered right in the area of the Pyramid at Giza, the top of it's head just 16 inches below ground. It's from 46 centuries ago.)

Atlantis

2009-02-21T05:39:00.001-05:00

View Larger Map

Be sure to zoom out and see where this is.

Ziltoid the Omniscient

2009-02-13T18:00:00.001-05:00

Ziltoid the Omniscient:
Brainchild of guitarist Devin Townsend of the band Strapping Young Lad, this concept album is based on the character named Ziltoid, from the planet Ziltoidia 9. Ziltoid travels to Earth in search for "the ultimate cup of coffee", in order for him to succeed in achieving time travel. Production is superb and the Ziltoid puppet used in the videos is comical.

Austrian Death Machine - Get To The Choppa

2009-02-09T13:36:00.002-05:00

A friend at work turned me on to this. A fantastic concept, exquisitely executed. The link above will take you to this groups MySpace page.

Umour De-gentrification Ritual Successful

2009-01-27T08:32:00.002-05:00

The De-gentrification Ritual performed by Ritual Specialists Kol and Loudmouth Bill in NYC in December (and documented on the main page of this site) seems to have already achieved some success. Behold the spectacular return of the Holland Bar. This is exactly why the current economic meltdown will, ultimately, be understood for the huge blessing that it surely is. All hail this life-affirming ill-wind which bringeth down those Philistines that have corrupted and desecrated our magical city. The following article is from todays N.Y. Times:

In Midtown, the Return of a Barfly’s Paradise

By JOSHUA BRUSTEIN
Published: January 26, 2009
Three men appeared when Gary Kelly lifted the steel gate one weekday afternoon on what used to be the Holland Bar. They used to drink there, and were eager to know when their exile would end.

“I feel like a homeless person without a cardboard box,” said one of the men, who gave his name only as Harry because he did not want his girlfriend or boss to learn more about his drinking habit than they already knew.

“Don’t worry,” said Mr. Kelly, who had only stopped by that day to talk to his electrician. “I’ll get you your cardboard box.”

For decades, the Holland Bar, on Ninth Avenue between 39th and 40th Streets in Hell’s Kitchen, made a name for itself serving cheap beer to loyal drinkers who did not mind squeezing into a tiny, crusty room barely wide enough to fit the bar and the stools in front of it.

The regulars came around noon for a pint to accompany their bag lunches, watched the horses, then left, only to return for another drink after quitting time. Slumming professionals and tourists who read about the place in guidebooks mixed in enthusiastically. Anthony Bourdain, the chef and host of the cable television program “No Reservations,” described it as one of the city’s best dives.

Then last summer the Holland became one of those typical New York institutions: the beloved local haunt forced to shut down. According to Mr. Kelly, who has owned the bar since 1998, the landlord refused to renew the lease in the hopes that he could make more money converting the building for residential use or selling it off. But such plans apparently did not work out, and the landlord offered Mr. Kelly his old space back starting Jan. 1, albeit at a 20 percent increase in the rent. Now the Holland is scheduled to reopen its taps as soon as Wednesday.

(The landlord, Ebeden Wong, did not return telephone messages.)

Although the location will be familiar to patrons, Mr. Kelly still had to start practically from scratch in recreating the place. Since the Holland closed its doors, the bar had been destroyed, the plumbing had been removed, the floor had been ripped out.

And much of the physical record of the bar’s history that had been pasted to its walls — the photographs of customers who had died years before, the posters for shows at the dear, departed CBGB — is gone, too. Mr. Kelly sent many framed pictures home with regulars as farewell gifts, other memorabilia went into storage. One of the relics of the Holland’s lore — an urn containing the ashes of Charlie O’Connor, a former bartender — had gone missing.

But Mr. Kelly refused to give away the 12-foot neon sign that spelled out the bar’s name, a reminder of its original location at the Holland Hotel a few blocks away. That never left its place on the wall behind the bar, even after the bar had been demolished.

“People wanted to take the sign, but I said no,” Mr. Kelly said. “I wanted to be optimistic. I always thought there was a shot.”

The sign is, indeed, still there, along with the words “Holland Bar, established 1927,” painted on the storefront window, although Mr. Kelly said he doubted it had actually been around that long.

For Mr. Kelly, 63, who is a salesman for Time Warner Security, the past six months were the first time in many years that he had not been behind a bar. He said he spent much of his free time nagging his once and future landlord for a new lease.

Holland’s other bartenders drifted to dives in the surrounding blocks. Bill Leary, known as Dr. Bill, took over the Monday and Tuesday shifts at the Bull Moose Saloon, on 44th Street between Eighth and Ninth Avenues, and Steve Bibko has been serving free hot dogs along with Jameson shots and Budweiser back at Rudy’s Bar and Grill, at 44th and Ninth.

Some of the former Holland regulars are patiently running tabs at Rudy’s. Hank, a former regular who declined to give his full name because he “didn’t want people calling me on the telephone,” chuckled at the idea of Mr. Kelly spending his days with architects and electricians instead of gamblers and drinkers, and said he missed the claustrophobia of Holland.

“There’s something about a small bar, people talk to one another,” he said. “After five o’clock this place is full of yuppies,” he said of Rudy’s. “I don’t know them from Adam.” He shook his head. “I’m waiting.”

A few blocks away at the Bull Moose Saloon, Dr. Bill, whose title was bestowed upon him by barflies rather than an accredited medical school, said some of the Holland regulars had found him through word of mouth and a few phone calls. Others run into him and always ask when the Holland will be back. But many of those from the old lunch crowd have not made the trek five blocks north, so he goes to work not knowing whether he will see any of the old faces.

But Mr. Leary worked at Holland for almost 20 years, and remembered other seismic shifts in its history: the move, when the bar relocated from the hotel that gave it its name in 1987, and the upheaval that came when Mr. Kelly took over the bar and installed televisions, drawing criticism that he is still smarting from today. (For his part, Mr. Leary said he did not mind televisions as long as they were muted so he could hear the jukebox.)

“It was a unique place, especially at the beginning,” he said. “Then as the years went by, everybody sort of died off. The old regulars were replaced by new regulars.”

Mr. Kelly said he was confident that many of the old regulars would reappear, just like they had been doing whenever he lifted the steel gates to work on rebuilding the place. He said that the bar’s philosophy, that people would rather pay $4 for a beer here than $8 for the same drink at the bistro across the street, would remain the same. But he also said that he knew the new Holland Bar would be different from the place he feared he had closed for good last year.

Asked what exactly would change, he did not hesitate.

“Nothing, I hope,” he said.

Arab Girls Gone Wild!

2009-01-24T12:07:00.000-05:00

An Act Of Ubique Umouriation

2009-01-16T08:33:00.002-05:00

From yesterday's N.Y. Times; dripping with juicy Umouriation:

January 15, 2009
Art Hoax Unites Europe in Displeasure

By SARAH LYALL
LONDON — Why didn’t anyone realize right away that there was something seriously weird about the new piece of art in Brussels?

The piece, an enormous mosaic installed in the European Council building over the weekend, was meant to symbolize the glory of a unified Europe by reflecting something special about each country in the European Union.

But wait. Here is Bulgaria, represented as a series of crude, hole-in-the-floor toilets. Here is the Netherlands, subsumed by floods, with only a few minarets peeping out from the water. Luxembourg is depicted as a tiny lump of gold marked by a “for sale” sign, while five Lithuanian soldiers are apparently urinating on Russia.

France? On strike.

The 172-square-foot, eight-ton installation, titled “Entropa,” consists of a sort of puzzle formed by the geographical shapes of European countries. It was proudly commissioned by the Czech Republic to mark the start of its six-month presidency of the European Union. But the Czechs made the mistake of hiring the artist David Cerny to put together the project.

Mr. Cerny is notorious for thumbing his nose at the establishment. He was arrested in 1991 for painting a tank, a Soviet war memorial in a Prague square, bright pink.

In the case of “Entropa,” Mr. Cerny presented the piece as the work of 27 artists, one from each country. But it was all a huge hoax.

After being challenged by reporters this week, Mr. Cerny admitted that he and two of his friends constructed the whole thing themselves, making up the names of artists, giving some of them Web sites and writing pretentious, absurd statements to go with their supposed contributions.

For example, next to the piece for Italy — depicted as a huge soccer field with little soccer players on it — it says, “It appears to be an autoerotic system of sensational spectacle with no climax in sight.”

The fake British entry, a kit of Europe in which the piece representing Britain has been taken out, says, “This improvement of exactness means that its individual selective sieve can cover the so-called objective sieve.”

Before the hoax was discovered, the Czech deputy prime minister, Alexandr Vondra, said “Entropa” — whose name alone should perhaps have been a sign that all was not as it seemed — epitomized the motto for the Czech presidency in Europe, “A Europe Without Borders.”

“Sculpture, and art more generally, can speak where words fail,” he said in a statement on Monday. “I am confident in Europe’s open mind and capacity to appreciate such a project.”

But he does not feel that way now.

“An agreement of the office of the government with the artist clearly stated that this would be the common work of artists from 27 E.U. states,” he said. “The full responsibility for violating this assignment and this promise lays with David Cerny.”

On its Web site, the Czech government said that it was “unpleasantly surprised” to learn the truth behind the mosaic.

The work has undoubtedly upset other people, too. The Germans are probably not too thrilled that their country is represented as a series of highways that, looked at a certain way, possibly bring to mind a swastika. Spain has to settle with being a huge construction site, while Romania is shown as a Dracula-themed amusement park.

According to the Czech News Agency, the Bulgarian government — the one whose country is shown as a bunch of toilets — summoned the Czech ambassador in Sofia to lodge an official protest. Meanwhile, the Bulgarian permanent representative to the European Union was quoted as saying: “It is preposterous, a disgrace. It is a humiliation for the Bulgarian nation and an offense to our national dignity.”

The Czechs have said that they are not sure what steps they will take before the official unveiling, scheduled for Thursday.

As for Mr. Cerny, on his Web site he said, “We knew the truth would come out.”

He added, “But before that we wanted to find out if Europe is able to laugh at itself.”

UMOUR boys @ The High Line

2009-01-08T16:43:00.004-05:00

A short time ago, Mr URS and Loudmouth bill attempted to access the Highline, a very odd blindspot/landmark in New York City. For various reasons, I was unable to attend but instead ended up at The Stone down on Avenue C.

Back back in the 1970s and, I swear, in the early 1980s, I remember seeing the trains of the high line. Unlike Chicago's subway system, these were true-blue freight trains, and I remember thinking "Well that's an odd site seeing a train ooze between buildings like that."

To this day I have wondered what it must have been like to work on that line: Imagine driving such a train into Manhattan and then, as raw hides of beef are being (un)loaded, or new clothes from the Tribecca factories loaded and sent into the hinterland, what must have it been like to be an engineer from, say, Kansas, getting out down on Hudson and walking into a building up at the second or third floor and then walking downstairs to have a pastrami-on-rye or maybe a hot dog? What was it like to walk around in a pre-post-industrial New York and working class downtown Manhattan? To have bumped into a shabbily dressed Pollack or Kerouac or Monk or Parker? (Of course, as a train driver you would likely never have guessed who these men were, but there would have been something solid and memorable about these brief encounters.)

As the high line closed to trains, and perhaps even before, like the Gowanus Canal, the High Line entered our blindspot: You didn't really see it or think about it anymore. It became something that, although incredibly strange in hindsight, you coluld nonetheless block it out and completely forget about it, as it did not fit into the collective image of a richer city that was emerging, or at least was being thrust upon us through the medium of increased rents.

Oh how I hope and pray to return with a complete set of UMOURiators to the scene of their crime with an axe one day and hack open that chain and lock and ascend to the High line and perhaps build a shanty or other perpetual tribute to impermanance.

The 2,000 year old Antikythera computer from Greece

2008-12-31T12:50:00.000-05:00

Goo'bye

2008-12-15T13:56:00.000-05:00

Conversation tonight over dinner

2008-12-14T15:49:00.001-05:00

Me: Hey, when we get back to New York me, Kane, Kol and Bill are going to build a shanty down town somewhere...

Wife: Why?

Me: Art.

Fun.

Number stations of the South Pacific

2008-12-03T04:42:00.001-05:00

Cities On Flame

2008-11-17T16:46:00.000-05:00

This is the far left portion of a large mural I painted in the hallway outside Mrs Keller's art classroom at Dobbs Ferry High School in 1979. Amazingly it, and many other murals, are still there today. It gives me chills to think about how many kids grew up seeing these (sadly prophetic) images.

Proof...

2008-10-31T10:49:00.001-05:00

As you can see, no Hermes Trismagistus and no Oroboroi, neither living or dead.

(Greetings from Cairo.)

In search of Hermes Trismegistus

2008-10-28T04:27:00.002-05:00

E/UMOR-iator Em, on assignment in Egypt.
My plan is to find Hermes Trismegistus to beat a living Oroborous out of him or, short of that, to demand explanation as to why one is not forthcoming. He may or may not reside somewhere in this part of Egypt, the Sinai Peninsula.
If needs be I'll proceed to Cairo and search the streets and bazaars for some kind of leads. I'll start, perhaps, with Alembic vendors and then see if the homonculous-generating equipment sellers have seen site of him.

Banksy's Villiage Petstore and Grill

2008-10-22T04:44:00.000-05:00

NOTCOT: Banksy's Village Petstore & Charcoal Grill from Jean Aw on Vimeo.

Our Children Are In Peril

2008-10-19T11:11:00.000-05:00

This Is A Public Service Announcement
Brought To You By

Umour Grows in Cortlandt Manor

2008-10-18T11:11:00.002-05:00

Umour Grows...

Cortlandt Manor, NY

Umour grows in Brooklyn

2008-10-17T11:11:00.000-05:00

Umour grows...

Brooklyn Heights, NY

Umour grows at Limelight

2008-10-16T11:11:00.001-05:00

Umour grows...

Limelight, NYC

Umour grows in Cold Spring

2008-10-15T11:11:00.000-05:00

Umour grows...

Cold Spring, NY

Umour grows in Upstate New York

2008-10-14T11:11:00.000-05:00

WELCOME TO THE MOSS GARDENS OF UMOUR

umour grows...

Cowboy Johnny Give Me A Gun!

2008-10-12T11:11:00.001-05:00

"Cowboy Ronnie (or Georgie or Johnny) Give Me A Gun
Cause I Just Wanna Have Some Fun!

Draft Me - I'm Ready To Kill
Draft Me - I Know That You Will
Draft Me - I'm Angrier Still
Draft Me - Or Someone Else Will

I Wanna Go Somewhere For Cowboy Ronny
Just To Kill!"

"...Merry Christmas Goldilocks
here's your son wrapped up in a box...
hope he's not late for Christmas!"

excerpts from two major radio hit songs
©1983 Doppler Effect

Kill A Commie For Mommy

2008-10-10T11:11:00.000-05:00

KILL A COMMIE FOR MOMMY

Help Protect Your Mother
By Killing Someone Else's First

Wrap Your Fist In A Flag
And Punch Out Her Lights

It's Us Against Them Isn't It?

Then we'll have more time to attend
to all those other people we don't like

Watch out, that could be you next!

(the preceding statements do not necessarily
express the views or concerns of the author)

The Black Legion

2008-10-08T11:11:00.000-05:00

for more information on The Black Legion
click HERE.

Proof that Illuminati bloodlines run America!

2008-10-06T12:23:00.000-05:00

McCain's Real Message

2008-10-04T02:04:00.001-05:00

Isn't it obvious? Consider: 1)He's old and has been "serving his country" for a long long time. 2) Did I mention he's old? He's 72 and he can do the math. 3) He hired one S. Palin who is very obviously not someone to put in the Whitehouse. 4) He officially stopped campaigning during the fiscal crisis. 5) He's apparently backed out of Michigan and may end up backing out of PA. The underlying message is pretty clear, no? He stepped up to the plate one last time just so the Republicans wouldn't be a no-show in November, but as the Hillbilly masses continued to recognize someone who could scoop the dole out to them, he's has to make his real message clearer and clearer. Watch for him to fake a heart attack or something.

Nero 2001

2008-10-03T11:11:00.001-05:00

just 7 minutes of meditation a day
can help to clear the mind

uuuummmmmm...