The State Of The Union

Why in the world is anyone genuinely surprised that the Bush administration was illegally spying on Americans? Did anyone really think these bastards weren’t getting all KGB on your ass? Let me remind you: they lied the country into a fucking war. What exactly does anyone think they’re “not capable of”? But don’t think I’m smiling at the latest revelations. I fear there are dark days ahead. Believe me, I love to see the Bushie-boys squirm but the distressing fact is that if they really start to feel the heat, we can expect another “incident”. This is a greedy, amoral bunch of cutthroats with delusions of grandeur. They are “capable” of unimaginable atrocities. Buckle-up.

We need a new approach

From the link above it should be obvious that Satan is winning the war for the biology classroom, as the Pennsylvania courts have now officially ruled against intelligent design. So today they are teaching our children that their grandfathers were monkeys. Next they'll be teaching that our monkey ancestors worshipped Satan.

What we need is a new approach. If we can't beat Satan in the biology classroom, let's beat him in the others:

1. In English. Let's remove all those words Satan introduced into our language after the King James Bible. Let's ensure that "thee", "thine", "hither" "thither" and other Godly vocabulary and grammatical structures are taught instead of their new false versions that come from the pits of hell.

2. In electronics and technology. Since we know that the whole world is held together by God, we need to teach this in physics, astronomy and chemistry. Clearly, it is God's Word through the holy spirit that holds atoms together, not any Satanic forces of fire or electromagnetism. Likewise, Carbon 14 nuclei decay because has withdrawn his favor, not because of any process that has nothing to do with God. Carbon 14 radioactivity has increased since the fall and Adam and Eve's sin, which is why the deluded scientists of the world believe that the earth is 5 billion years old.

3. First Aid. We know that nothing that occurs in this world occurs without God. Therefore, the first response to any accident should be prayer and study of the Bible. If someone is choking it does not matter that the food is lodged in their windpipe. What matters is that God is pleased. First responders should be taught to repeat the ten commandments and the Lord's prayer before any attempt at ressuccitation is made.

Together, if we put God first in the classroom in all areas then our children will understand the truth of His word. Let's work together to abolish all lies and falsehood that the devil would teach our children.

911

December 2005; Is there anybody out there who still believes that the Bush administration wasn’t, in some way, behind Sept. 11, 2001? Anybody?!! Didn’t think so… I mean just look at how they’ve used it and what they’ve used it for … and how ready they all were to switch gears. Believe me, I’m not one who accepts every wacko conspiracy theory. It’s hard to get around the fact that a plot of that size, possibly involving several countries, would be exceedingly difficult to pull off; and this isn’t the most competent administration ever to occupy the White House. It really does seem to be wishful thinking to assume convenient conspiracies lurking around every corner. However, I think it is just as naïve to fail to consider that they ever may exist. History shows us that there have been conspiracies, huge conspiracies, from time to time. Some conspiracies have been proven to involve collusion from several countries or national leaders. History teaches us that if the stakes are high enough, anything is possible. In this particular case, the stakes were thick and juicy indeed. Without 9/11: there would have been no invasion of Iraq… no hundreds of billions in fat military contracts (all going, of course, to supporters of the administration)… no controlling one of the world’s largest supplies of oil… no additional rip-off of public funds (going, again, to the administration’s corporate sponsors) for Iraqi “reconstruction”… no public-funds gift-to-the-wealthy (or, at least, not the second one)…no draconian, anti-democratic, police-state security measures… and probably, no reelection for four more years of plunder. Folks, when you consider the callous ways that they’ve used the tragic events of 9/11/01 to further their own agenda, you come up with only two possibilities; either Bush and his boys are the luckiest sons-of-bitches in history or that they made their own luck. Now my mama didn’t raise no fool and one thing I know is; if you want to find the RAT, just follow the CHEESE. In this case there’s a big, stinky pile of ripe toe-cheese sitting right in the Oval Orifice. So, you want a “plausible” scenario?… lemme paint you a picture:
Georgie and Papa HW and Uncle Dick and Rummie and some other pals were sitting around just shooting the shit one day when they got a brilliant idea. So they called up some old buddies in the family Saud. They said “We’re gonna run junior in 2000 and when he gets, er…”elected” there’s a great opportunity for a lot of us to make a whole shitload of money. We know the ways and we’re already cookin’ up some juicy means. Problem is, to implement these plans we need an… event, a big, splashy EVENT. That’s where you boys come in. To prevent any rivets from comin’ loose on the bass-boat, we don’t want to know any particulars… just the nuts-and-bolts: when, where, etc… maybe not even that much… so as we can act surprised and react with proper, righteous indignation after the fact. I mean, it’s gotta be a surprise, boys. Georgie ain’t no Ronald Reagan, if you know what I mean. If you need some ideas or logistical planning, we suggest that you talk to our buddies over in the Mossad, they’re particularly good at that sort of thing. Remember, we’re counting on you boys, so don’t fuck this one up… your seats on the gravy-train depend on it,”… or something to that effect. More plausible, at least, then the pablum we’re being offered.
Loudmouth Bill

Red White and Blue Winter Holiday Song

(Sing roughly to the tune of “White Christmas”)

“I’m dreaming of a politically correct, thoroughly generic, non-denominational, winter holiday….
Not to offend a single soul.
To the liberals, moderates and conservative right,
May all your winter holidays be every color of the rainbow”.

Dubya

Umour Ritual ForumSo Clinton got a Blowjob and lied about it… big fucking deal… and got Impeached. Bush lied us into a goddamn War- what’s worse?!! For four years the Right held-up the business of the United States by ceaselessly attacking Clinton over nothing. Now if Bush critics try to hold him accountable for the truly treasonous acts which are being committed daily during his reign (like lying us into a war, for instance ) we’re attacked for undermining the war effort, promoting teen pregnancy and letting bedbugs loose in the East Village. At some point here, one would hope, America will return to sanity and find it’s balls. You can do it right now- say it out loud- what you’ve all been thinking. Just open your mouths and yell it right out: that every day, in every way, I am reminded that George W. Bush is the worst President we’ve ever had in these United (barely ) States. That’s it, plainly, bluntly and succinctly; The Worst Ever! He combines the stupidity and incompetence of Warren G. Harding with the conniving evil of Richard M. Nixon and the religious hypocrisy of Ronald Reagan. However in this case, the total is even worse than the sum of these parts. While Harding was surely stupid, at least he was relatively benign. While Nixon was surely dishonest, at least he was intelligent and generally competent. Dubya is stupid, incompetent, hypocritical and evil. At the very least we’re all going to be paying the tab for this cretin for many years to come… that’s if we can prevent him from committing any more atrocities over the next three years; a big IF considering how virtually everything the guy has done has been wrong, on so many levels. Whether I harbored any prior prejudice against Dubya and his boys or not is not really germane… the facts are the facts… and in this case the Facts are quite damning indeed. Of course the administration is going to attack any good citizen who points them out. We’re Defeatists and Naysayers and Enablers and worse because we see the obvious reality which is staring us directly in the face. It’s like if your friends convinced you that you could fly and you got so enthralled with the idea that you actually went up on the garage roof and jumped… and through some lucky freak of nature you survived unhurt. Now the smart man or the reasonable man or even the basically sane would have to conclude two things: 1) Perhaps my friends were mistaken and I, in fact, can’t fly and 2) maybe I need some new friends. But Dubya isn’t smart or reasonable or even basically sane. He keeps jumping off that same roof, falling Splat on the ground and climbing back up again. Each time not only refusing to acknowledge that he can’t fly, that he never could fly but also attacking those who dare to point out the obvious, more and more virulently. “I’m an AMERIKAN and an AMERIKAN can do anything he sets his mind to… and I say I can fly”! The problem is, in the case of Dubya, it isn’t just one man’s vainglorious attempt to do the impossible, for that explanation is merely more Rovian myth-making. While the deluded dreamer is something we can admire, in a Don Quixote-esque sort of way, what we have here is something much more cheap, dirty and seemly. No, in this case Dubya is actually pushing YOU off the roof… and LAUGHING about it. “Heh, Heh, Heh… You got a little more height that time… Heh, Heh, Heh… Jes’ a couple more tries and I’m sure you’ll be soaring with the eagles… Heh, Heh, Heh. Now all you naysayers get offn my garage roof before sundown- My Daddy used to play a cowboy in the movies, you know… or maybe that was that other guy. “
It’s about time fi we have a REVOLUTION, mon!
Loudmouth Bill

Umour Ritual Forum

Umour is essentially polemical not political in nature. Not that we aren't interested but more because we don't want to limit it to that specific discusson which becomes the inevitable result of "getting on politics". We want the items explored by the group to be of a deeper more universal and permanent nature. Contemporary political discourse is by definition topical, fluid and ephemeral. Umour observes the whole process of big P politics as another event/non-event scenario. However, this aesthetic detachment is only necessary for the group as a whole entity, not for each individual member personally. On that level, we are all people and citizens and are rightfully outraged by what is occurring in our country and world. Therefore on this blog page we should as individuals, feel free to express our personal opinions and observations. For those who might be interested in what the loudmouth has to say (if there is, indeed, anyone) please tune in to this ritual forum over the next few weeks. I intend to push my normally restrained and moderate nature aside and out the truth, whatever the cost. Contributions to my legal defense fund may be made payable to Umour.org (or cash). Thank you and dog bless you. Umour, Umoure, Umouris.

Your humble servant,

Loudmouth Bill

Umour Ritual Expedition to Gowanus Canal

Umour has completed it's initial survey of the Gowanus Canal area in Brooklyn, NY. Click/zoom/drag the map below to see the effort firsthand, working NE to SW.

Better yet, click into the map, zoom in in Satellite mode. (Click the title for a direct link to the map and popup photos.)

Pixagogo Photo Maps

Ode to the Angel of Freedom

Yes, Mr Bush! Fly free! Fly free of the petty laws that restrain your genius, here in the US. Fly, I say! Fly and wield your flaming sword of truth and justice! Dispense your judgements free of the unfair entanglments that hold you back! Let no man, government, mass protests, common opinion, logic, Biblical commands, the UN or any news agency--Arab or otherwise--stop you or hinder you in your quest to free the world of all that might oppose you and the angels of freedom that follow in your wake!

Swing your scythe through the fields and harvest those souls that are unworthy of your freedoms and indeed unworthy of life itself! Look down upon the nations in your glory and splendor and wisdom! Fly free, Mr President and again I say fly!

Random Patterns

The term random patterns is used to describe the phenomenon that occurs when the human brain if faced with perceiving chaos. The human brain is uniquely organized to recognize patterns. It also creates them when faced with deciphering chaos. This can be exemplified by staring at a television screen that is tuned to receive no signals. Try turning your television on and select a channel with no broadcast (“snow”). The particles, which are ejected by the cathode ray tube onto a television screen, are in no way directed unless a broadcast is being received. When a non-broadcast channel is selected the particle stream is a completely random occurrence. A small percentage of the particles which impact the screen to make “snow” are stray cosmic particles left over from The Big Bang, and other stray particles, protons, neutrons, electrons, neutrinos and quarks.

If you stare at this you will begin to see patterns. These visual patterns are not actually on the screen at all. The patterns are an illusion, created by the mind, because it cannot comprehend chaos. The chaotic appearance of these particles randomly striking the screen of a television is more akin to the physical nature of the universe than the patterns we see which our minds make up. We are forced to create order, to see patterns, and this is how we perceive the world around us and within us. We lack the ability to see the universe in its true chaotic form. We live in a universe where chaos (or complexity beyond all comprehension) is common and order is a rare exception, which sometime occurs and often is imposed by our limited consciousness.

Clubby The Seal

Self-referential semiotics...

A mottled green cloud intersects a black metal cone

Those Zany Umourites were recently packed into an accelerator and smashed into the Doppler Effectives. Click above to listen to some of the results.

How to Win a Hotdog Eating Contest

Lion Mutilates 42 Midgets in Cambodian Ring Fight

Spectators cheered as entire Cambodian Midget Fighting League squared off against African Lion

Tickets had been sold-out three weeks before the much anticipated fight, which took place in the city of Kâmpóng Chhnãng.
The fight was slated when an angry fan contested Yang Sihamoni, President of the CMFL, claiming that one lion could defeat his entire league of 42 fighters.
Sihamoni takes great pride in the league he helped create, as was conveyed in his recent advertising campaign for the CMFL that stated his midgets will "... take on anything; man, beast, or machine."
This campaign is believed to be what sparked the undisclosed fan to challenge the entire league to fight a lion; a challenge that Sihamoni readily accepted.
An African Lion (Panthera Leo) was shipped to centrally located Kâmpóng Chhnãng especially for the event, which took place last Saturday, April 30, 2005 in the city’s coliseum.
The Cambodian Government allowed the fight to take place, under the condition that they receive a 50% commission on each ticket sold, and that no cameras would be allowed in the arena.
The fight was called in only 12 minutes, after which 28 fighters were declared dead, while the other 14 suffered severe injuries including broken bones and lost limbs, rendering them unable to fight back.
Sihamoni was quoted before the fight stating that he felt since his fighters out-numbered the lion 42 to 1, that they “… could out-wit and out-muscle [it].”
Unfortunately, he was wrong.

Augmented Rodent...

Augmented Rodent
Originally uploaded by The Magic Lantern.

...with nightvision goggles. Kinda levels the playing field when you think about it.

With a little help from animal rights activists, that "perfect steak" might become somewhat more elusive.

A Dangerous Dream

Had an odd dream last night.
I was working as a technical consultant or contractor at some job. The building was located in the 40s, west of sixth or seventh, in one of those older office buildings that house a mixture of design and consulting firms, as well as the occasional sweatshop (this is the Fashion district).

For some reason, someone on an internet list I belong to in real life sent me a little "joke"...it was a formula for making what I thought was a tiny explosive out of household chemicals. So I set about pouring blue cleaning fluids into plastic tubes, adding Ajax, wires, timer, a switch and a battery.

As I was putting it together Keanu Reeves (who worked at the firm but was nonetheless an actor) dropped by my office to ask me a question. He actually caught me at a bad moment because right before he arrived I realized that the sender of the recipe hadn't really imagined that I would actually use it...what I had was an amount of explosive that could easily take out the entire building. So I was getting a little panicky and told Keanu Reeves to hold on for a moment.

Right at that time two of the Umour Ritual Specialists (URS and Kanduco) dropped by to hang out, so I told introduced them to KR (who was named Dave Corbus in my dream, the name of a Jazz Guitarist friend of mine in college). I told KR/DC that these were my old friends and that they should talk until I was done. Oddly, my real brother's ex-wife was there all of a sudden as well.

Retreating into a back room I started hurriedly dumping out the fluids and carefully pulling wires, lest the thing go off. While doing this some of the fluids were spilling onto my shirt thereby increasing the hazard. In fact, when I looked at what I had done I could clearly see that had I added one more wire and completed the recipe, it would have gone off.

Dwing Dwong the Bitch is dead!

Umour Ritual Forum I read earlier today of the death of Andrea Dworkin and I`ve been smiling ever since. The cause was not specified but hopefully it was painful and humiliating. As a crusader against men in general and against pornography and sex in particular, she was one of the chief Kommandants of the No-Fun Police. Looking at her evil, beady little eyes peering out of those pendulous jowls one doesn`t have to be Sherlock Holmes to figure out why she had such a problem with sexuality and the nude body. I mean, who in the world would even think of (even truly kinky sickos) having sex with a creature so repulsive. The idea of that vile, bloated, moray eel-woman removing it`s clothes is enough to cure premature ejaculation in even the horniest male. Death to the hate-mongers, purile repressionists and reactionary prudes! The fact is, Bitch, that sex is a good thing (and good for you as well). So, now you`re dead and sex goes on. Hallelujah! Dear reader, please do me a favor... Take some time to go home today and make love with your partner/girlfriend/wife/husband/significant other... make them feel special and beautiful... watch some porno movies, or not- it is, still, your choice... and celebrate the fact that enjoying sex together is driving a nail in the coffin of that hateful, nut-busting bitch. Love is great! Hatred and censorship suck. Amen.
Loudmouth Bill
P.S. Lord, I don`t want to sound like an ingrate but since you`re doling-out favors, if it`s not too much trouble, could you possibly give Catherine MacKinnon some horrible inoperable tumor or maybe huge, festering sores or something else nasty... continual vaginal warts...I`ll leave it to your discretion. Thanks.

Rub NEW salt in your eyes...

There are three new photo essays in the “Rub Salt” menu. The first are images of the Sheela Na Gig. A word essay about these images is in production. The next new addition is titled “At The Rust Farm”. This series of photos will be expanded as more images are shot. The most recent item is called “Topical Aloe Ointment” and features some new “rollover” images with quotes from a book by Alan Watts.

A Little More Umour

Quietly we are modifying the Umour site and have added a couple of new pieces. The “Rub Salt…” link on the main menu page now brings you to a sub-menu page listing photo essays, whereas before it brought you strait into our first essay, now re-titled “The Great Remedy”. A new photo essay by Loudmouth Bill has been added, entitled “At The Gates”.

Additionally there is a new movie entitled “Vignettes” which features words by Loudmouth Bill, and images by Kol. Look for all three Umour Ritual Specialists in this thought provoking new audiovisual presentation.

More is sure to come.

Kinky Freidman: Next Governor of Texas?

DALLAS - Kinky Friedman, the best-selling author, country singer and friend of the stray dog, next week will officially toss his ten-gallon hat into the ring for the 2006 Texas governor’s race, his campaign said Tuesday.

It is said...

On this day 41 years ago the Earth slid through this section of space, vibrating plasmas and molecules which could be heard to whisper "Umour!"

The Loudmouth Rides Again

Greetings to all and happy (not so new) New Year. Well, it’s good to be back… back in the saddle again. No, I hadn’t dropped off the face of the earth or left the country (although, believe me, I’ve been tempted)…The Loudmouth has just been busy moving. Exiled further into suburban hell. One doesn’t have to be Nostradamus to foresee which direction this is going...A roof over mi head now-soon to be a doddering old fool, ambling about the estate with a weed-sticker for 25 cents a day and a nip of rum snuck behind the pantry door,but I digress. Yes, comfortable suburbia, where the edict is “conform or be absorbed by force”. Which reminds me of the only still-relevant commandment, “Thou Shalt Consume”. Wretched consumption is our national duty. Anything that might interfere with the urge to consume must be eradicated immediately, as a matter of National Security. Are we feeling a bit melancholy today?… somewhat introspective, perhaps?… Maybe we might be questioning the political motives of our leaders and this is causing us some moments of…UNEASE?!! Well, no worries, just grab yourself a great big handful of the latest designer mood enhancers and head right off to the mall to Buy, Buy, Buy. There, doesn’t that feel better? (sure, plenty of room for all that shit in your SUV). Yeah, yeah, laugh it up, Monkey-boy… before you can say “What the F…” the Conformity Police will knock on your door and start shoving those Prozacs down your throat, aided by a swift kick from their Pay-less-shoe-source Himmler Boots. That’s Twenty-First century AMERIKA for you… the Empire of the Uber-Shrub. The Brain, I’m afraid, is destined to become a vestigial organ (this transition may have already occurred in large segments of the population, as was evidenced in the recent election, but more about that at another time). There I go, thinking again… and thinking is so last-millennium. Newthink-Amerika demands Happy, Peppy Consumers. And me, I ain’t happy… I’m only peppy after a couple of six-packs… and what I consume ain’t for sale at the mall. So where does that leave the Loudmouth???
Stay tuned… Same time …Same channel.

Big-ass Art

Gates Day 2, South of Great Lawn
Originally uploaded by The Magic Lantern.

OK, maybe one of them isn't art, but 7500 of 'em is art.

More...

...Loudmouth Bill. Certainly he has some appropriate words for yesterday's ceremonies. Supposedly the US is doing manuevers in Karachi in preparation for an invasion of Iran. I'm thinking it's just to give 'em a scare but you never know with these crazy fuckers.

More Kanduco. Wait, is 'more' the appropriate word here when he's never even posted?
Quit screwin' around Kane and let's see some zany Kanish posts.

Such is the order of things...

Such is the order of things that all things are ordered from disorder. Disorder is itself the source and the order of all things.

We see the universe as and ordered system because we are “wired” to perceive an ordered system. The true chaotic nature of the universe doesn't negate the possibility of structured systems, but it is from chaos and random chance from which these "ordered systems" are created, through intellect, by us.

The Divine Truth; that which we cannot see, that which we cannot be, that from which we came, is what ever the universe truly is. It is chaos. You observe the effects of chaos all around you if you look for it, but you cannot actually see it. You can even tune it in on your television (provided your television is capable of receiving aired broadcast and non-broadcast channels).

Chaos is the absence of order. We are ordered in such a way as to see order. But we came about through a series of random chance occurrences. So we are order from chaos. We are not the universe, we are merely its vehicle for perceiving some order in it.
The order we see is a perception. The truth and the source is the universe of chaos.

To embrace this is to see beyond good and bad, to live beyond desire. It is acceptance that what will be will be until it becomes something else.